My Birthday
EVENTS
Happy Birthday to me!
This is my 30th birthday. This time I will not sum up any results about what has been done, and what has not been done, because I believe that everything is just beginning. A month before this date, I saw in my mind how life flies before my eyes. Not in a negative sense, but as a fact. I wanted to turn around and look at myself in the past and thank all the parts of me just humanly.
I can’t tell them that I’m perfectly fine, that I’m completely safe, and that I have absolutely all resources to realise what I want. Let’s be honest, I am now, compared to many other creative people, in the position of a lesser human being for reasons independent of me, but I will not go into those details now.
said mean things to my face. Here’s the empathy of almost all my versions has always been very much.
I want to tell all my egos from the past, that everything they’ve done to the best of their ability, has been what I need today. People often underestimate themselves from the past, especially people my age, who have not nurtured the value of themselves and their work, even if you don’t get paid for it, do little and do not yet very well. Some people treat themselves like fools in the past, don’t forgive themselves for past mistakes. But it’s a mistaken mindset that prevents us from soberly assessing the past and letting it go.
I don’t want to guess whether it’s going to work or not, I don’t want to even think about it because it’s very demotivating. But some parts of me are probably even stronger than I am today, because they did incredibly cool things at the time, being in absolutely incomparable conditions (compared to me today). I’m pretty sure at least two past versions of me would now think I’m spoiled and whiny for nothing. However, I’m also sure that if they knew my background, they would have empathised with me and definitely wouldn’t have
On the art I picked six my selves, five from the past, and me from now.
1, ginger-haired, finishing school, first love is boyfriend-musician, very active wrote of RoP, which would become the base for Shalantam 3; my psyche was actively defending itself, preventing me from realising what hell I was living in.
2, I was a «gothic lady», there are first drafts which today using for Patalam, acquaintance with a lot of metal and rock bands, including D-band, my boyfriend was a goth-punk.
3, years of personally «great depression», acidly-red hair color, finding myself, work on the book was stopped, but I tried to publish and endured failure; the first drafts of the «girl who wanted to sail» and pieces about Cyberlankha and the Legends of the Northern Lands, which today there are in Shalantam 1.
4, hair color is unstable, but remembered image with pink; I met my future husband and move in with him, cutting all old ties. The first version of Shalantam was created, which is directly related to the new name. I used drafts from 2017th year for this. My life is changing for the better, even though my psyche was in shock. Can be said, my life began only in 2018th, Because, the way I lived before, people should not live like this.
5, this year was probably the best for me personally and was rich in events and creative works, and future husband became the present. Then the second Shalantam’s part was finished and started the third one. Further changes were, however, irrelevant to the plot, and rather to getting rid of the plot holes and improvements.
6, me today, moved to other country and started new page in my story. Already matured, but fair, who wants to hug all my past versions and thank them for the big effort.
Of course nobody knows what will be in the future, but all these events in my life — the reason why I always will be faithful to myself. I can change style, country, name, last name, hair color, study extremely different language or a few of them, but some general «me» will always stay with «us». And there will be more of us. Like many reincarnations, but in one life. It is one of the reasons, why Shalantam was created.
